whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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