I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
