just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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