It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
He better not be in your backpack
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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