Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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