i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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