I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
