I just made out with a guy for $7.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Just pee around me
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
