barbara walters just said penis...
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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