I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
