i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
