my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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