Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
