I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
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