remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
