Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
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