Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
That's when you crack a 10am beer
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
