Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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