I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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