If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
