I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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