my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
