He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
