Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
two words...techno handjob
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
