pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
