Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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