I hope mine doesn't look like that
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize