i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Randomize
