man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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