When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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