Got a toothbrush?
HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
