how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
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