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It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
He kissed a someone with a penis
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
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