I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
