Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Randomize
