my phone needs a breathalizer
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Randomize
