So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
