By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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