Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i drank out of a bidet.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
