so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
there is glitter all over my balls
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
