Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
