Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
