I just saw a hot homeless man
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
