The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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