Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
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