Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
