I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Two words: nipple clamps
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