I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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