I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
