i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
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