I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
