She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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