the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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