put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
