There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
