how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
