I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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