Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
