meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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