You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
