Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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