Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
