My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
