If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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