I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
