LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
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